Paradise Lost
by Anera527
Summary: A longer, more in-depth version of my one-shot "Nature of the Damned". Severus Snape learns too late to not allow appearances deceive him.
1. Chapter 1

"_**Chapter One: The Beginning"**_

_A/N: This is a novel-length version of my one-shot "Nature of the Damned", since in a review it was commented that it could be a longer story. It struck my fancy one day to just write the first chapters of what became this._

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. The inspiration for this story comes from (and I hope I list them all) **_**Animorphs**_** by K.A. Applegate, the Star Trek episode "That Which Survives", **_**The Host**_** be Stephanie Meyers, and **_**War of the Worlds**_** by H. G. Wells.**

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"_Without the body the brain would, of course, become a mere selfish intelligence, without any of the emotional substratum of the human being."_

_~H.G. Wells, _the War of the Worlds, _Ch. 18_

It was the start of yet another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and it was days like these that made Severus Snape wonder why he even taught children. Fighting a pounding headache starting on the bridge of his nose and extending through his eyes and ears, he was still struggling to complete a list of things he had yet to do before the school year started. He had only three days before the brats would return and they would be as loud and idiotic as always, just as stupid brewing potions as they had been the year before, although it was fun to frighten the first years out of their wits.

But not even the thought of terrifying first years was enough to raise his spirits. It was very clear that today, Snape was in a most black mood.

Not that a pun was being made, mind you.

Not one to his face, anyway.

No, no one was brave or stupid enough to even approach the potions master today, because said man was likely to poison the first person attempting to draw him into conversation.

Growling under his breath, Snape leaned back in his comfortable armchair in his quarters, seeking refuge in the shadows of the room which soothed the pain pounding in his head. Not even potions had lessened his headache much. He had overdone himself, he should have taken breaks from his potions-making; he knew as well as the next potions expert that breathing the fumes from their cauldrons caused light-headedness and aches if breathed in too long. But he had so much to do! He couldn't just sit here, not with only three days before the start of term!

_Calm yourself, Severus,_ an inner voice whispered to him. It sounded remarkably like Albus's, and he groaned to himself. Could he not have a break?

The sound of someone knocking on the door caused him to snarl under his breath, cursing his luck- or rather the lack of it- before he stood and walked over to let the guest inside. It was Albus who stood there, almost as if Snape's inner voice had summoned him.

"Severus," the Headmaster greeted him, smiling as he stepped in. "How are you today, my boy?"

"Perfect," Snape growled through clenched teeth. "I have a pounding headache, and I haven't finished the potions I have been preparing."

He could see Albus's eyes twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles, and he knew what the old warlock was going to say before he said it. "Now Severus, my boy," he said cheerfully, "surely this is no reason to secret yourself down here alone—"

"I will do what I deem necessary!" Snape replied sharply, in no mood to be coddled by Albus Dumbledore. He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling it throbbing in his sudden upsurge of anger, and grit his teeth, willing himself to calm. Finally, feeling the sharp pain pass a little, he looked back up at the Headmaster. "You know these potions must be finished, Albus, if not for the classes then for the Order. I simply do not have time to sit around and do nothing!"

"Everyone must rest, Severus," Albus answered, and his piercing blue eyes were gazing at Snape in the way they did when he was not so cheerful. He was being completely serious. "Why, even the Lord rested after six days. Although I do find it heart-warming to see all you are doing for your fellow Order members—"

"I do not do this for them!" Snape exclaimed, irritated by the way Albus assumed things. And Snape was right. He did not join the Order of the Phoenix to help the other members with their problems. He joined to bring down Voldemort- in any way possible. "You know why I do this, and it is not for a group of wizards and witches who do not fully understand the magnitude of the enemy's evil!"

As a spy in the Dark Lord's ranks, Snape thought he was justified stating this. He had seen—had _done_ things—not even the most imaginative of them could understand.

But Albus was looking at him in an understanding way. "I know how the thought of the year is affecting you, especially with how you feel about seeing the boy, but you must understand—"

"It has nothing to do about Potter," Snape lied coldly, and he knew it was a lie. A blatant one. He hated the beginning of a new school year since he would have to look at _her_ eyes in _his_ face. That was what hurt Snape the most. And he hated what made him hurt.

Albus sighed, as if knowing the direction of Snape's thoughts- which of course he did. He knew very well the fierce animosity Snape felt towards Harry Potter, and it didn't seem likely to abate. Indeed, it seemed to grow yearly, and it was sad to know that Harry hated Snape as much as Snape hated him. Last year showed that as clearly as if it were written.

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The day of the opening feast came much too soon, so much so that Snape felt a little lost. He hated the feeling, and therefore it made him more short-tempered. When it was announced that the children had arrived via carriages, he most reluctantly dragged himself up to the Great Hall, where it was decorated lavishly with the House colors. He ignored Albus's greeting, and Minerva's scowl at his manners, and brushed past them to seat himself at the Head Table. The other professors mingled amongst themselves for a few more minutes, and then they seated themselves with Severus in their places while Minerva, as per her job, went out to greet the coming first years.

It was the older students who came in first. Severus watched his Slytherins come in with satisfaction. They were quiet and controlled, merely inclining their heads in greeting as the rest of the students laughed and talked loudly like immature children.

But there was one missing. Snape frowned to himself when he realized that Draco Malfoy was not with them. Concerned slightly, he was just preparing to get up when Argus filch, the caretaker, came in through the hall and approached Snape himself. His gleeful smile told Snape that a student had been caught doing something, and looking at the Gryffindor table, Snape saw that Potter also wasn't there. Putting two and two together, Snape growled to himself. When Filch told him two students were waiting for him in his office, he merely stood and swept out of the Great Hall.

Approaching his office, he opened the door to find both Draco and Potter standing there, on opposite sides of the room. Draco was leaning against his desk, holding a piece of cloth to his clearly-bleeding nose, while Potter glared hatefully at him as he leaned against the wall.

"What is the meaning of this?" Snape hissed, too irritated to keep up with being kind even to his Slytherin. "Filch tells me you've been dueling, in the hallway!"

"He attacked me," Potter said from the wall.

"Quiet!" Snape snarled at him, and turned to Draco, who looked at him through slightly-dazed eyes. "Draco, what did he do to you?"

"He… he came up behind me, sir," the boy answered, his voice thick through the cloth and the bleeding. "I barely managed to get out of the way of his first spell, the second hit me in the face."

Snape turned to Potter, who looked completely unharmed. "So you attacked Draco without warning," he said, furious. "Tell me, Potter, whose behavior does that seem like?"

The hit on the Marauders and Potter's father caused the boy to flinch slightly, but he very quickly rallied and glared right back at Snape, his gaze hot with indignation. "I did not attack him, sir," he said quietly, but his voice was shaking slightly with anger he was trying to suppress. "He attacked me."

"A likely story," Snape sneered, "but it does not make sense for Draco to be the one bleeding if _he_ attacked _you_."

"Maybe he wasn't good enough," Potter shot back, losing his hold on his temper.

"Not good enough!" Draco snarled, his eyes flashing furiously. "You—"

"Draco!" Snape exclaimed, stopping his student from walking forward. "Why do you let him bait you? Do you not remember that we are above such actions? Or are you yet still a child?"

Then something strange happened. It only lasted a second, less than that, but for that split instant it seemed to Snape that instead of looking immediately at the potions master, Draco instead turned to _Potter_, as if asking something, and Snape swore he saw Potter nod a little, as if urging him on—

But then the moment was over, and Snape was instead facing Draco, who was resentfully agreeing to Snape's words, and Potter, who was still glaring at them both.

Snape nearly groaned. This was going to be a _very_ long term.

_A/N: Anyone want to guess what happened to Draco?_


	2. Chapter 2

"_**Chapter Two: Hidden"**_

_A/N: Second chapter, yay! I'm excited. And you will find out what happened to Draco, and no, it is not slash!_

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Every year Snape wanted to know if he could poison some of the students and get rid of some of the noise, but Albus always chuckled, his eyes twinkling madly. He never said anything in response, since he knew Snape would never do such a thing. But Snape had to have some kind of wishful thinking, didn't he? Sometimes just imagining that made him feel better.

Especially if it was Gryffindors on the receiving end of said poisoning.

"Albus, I insist you do something!" he was saying now. He stood in the Headmaster's office following the Opening Feast, glowering darkly seeing Albus's eyes _still_ twinkling behind his glasses. _Damn it, doesn't he ever stop doing that?_ Snape thought to himself. "The term barely even started and Potter has already started his usual stupidity! And this time he attacked Draco without even provocation!"

"Nothing, Severus?" Albus asked, looking up at him with slightly-raised eyebrows. "Surely you didn't witness the fight yourself?"

"W- No!" Snape exclaimed, his irritation rising. "But I didn't have to see it to know what happened! You may insist that it was Potter who was attacked, but that does not explain Draco's injury! Tell me how it _Draco_ injured if he attacked!"

Albus sighed. "I must admit this is rather odd, Severus," he said quietly, popping a lemon drop in his mouth. "And I know you have given Harry detention, but I will also speak with him. Perhaps I will find out what happened. When I do, I will be sure to call you here so I can explain it all to you."

"Is that all you're going to do?" Snape asked in a slight snarl. "You're just going to let this pass like all the other times have." Albus played favorites like the best of them, always preferring Gryffindors over Slytherins. In his eyes, the Gryffindors could do no wrong, and especially not the Golden Boy Harry Potter himself. Heaven forbid someone even suggest that Potter could do something wrong! Knowing that that was all Albus was going to do, Snape left the office angrily, cursing Gryffindors. Maybe he could poison the whole house with tomorrow's breakfast…

The idea seemed very tempting. The castle would certainly be a lot quieter.

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He went into the dungeons to find Draco right where he left him, waiting in his office in front of the fireplace. The blonde-haired boy was gazing blankly into the small flames as they danced around, and did not immediately respond to Snape's entering. The skin beneath his nose was still slightly pink from the blood that had run. It had already mostly stopped by the time Snape looked at him.

To himself and no one else, he actually thought that the rush of blood looked more like just a normal nose bleed rather than a spell. But he had never heard of Draco ever having a nose bleed before, and it didn't make sense that Potter was there. It seemed logical to think the two of them had been dueling- the idea of Draco spontaneously coming down with nosebleeds seemed much too odd.

"Draco."

Startled out of his thoughts, Draco jumped and turned to him, frowning, but he relaxed when seeing who it was. "Hello, Severus," he said, but his greeting sounded stiff, nothing more than manners.

"I spoke to the Headmaster, but he refuses to do anything. So I will talk to you about it." He lifted a sarcastic eyebrow. "You did attack, didn't you." It was not a question, nor was it intended to be. Draco realized this and Snape watched him nod slowly. "Why?"

"He taunted me about Father," he heard Draco mutter resentfully, glaring at the reminder. "Asked me if I had gotten any letters from Azkaban yet."

Snape stared. Well, that was… unexpected. Not about Potter's cheek, just the brutality of it. He had never heard Potter be so cruel in his taunting. "Draco, use some sense when dealing with Potter! Clearly he taunted you just so that you would attack him and he could humiliate you! And now you have been. Bested by a Gryffindor!" Shaking his head, he stood to his full height. "Draco, be careful how you respond around Potter. He has always been able to goad you- that could lead you to disaster."

And again, something strange happened. Draco grinned, but there was something dryly ironic to it, and it looked almost… triumphant. But then the triumph vanished, and all that was left was the irony, and Draco's eyes were hard and unreadable as he gestured to his nose. "I think I've learned my lesson, Professor."

_A/N: Confused? Good. And again, this is NOT slash! There actually won't be any pairings- at least not any that I can see right now. They might pop up one day and surprise me._


	3. Chapter 3

"_**Chapter 3"**_

_A/N: So you get multiple postings of the same story! I was an idiot and left my flash-drive in my grandparents' car, so I had to wait several days before I could get it back. In the meantime I worked on this chapter for you. Enjoy!_

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The first class with the sixth year Gryffindors and Slytherins came very quickly, and Snape found himself rather reluctant to face it. But he had not yet ever missed a day teaching at Hogwarts, and he was about to start now. So he fixed his permanent scowl on his face and strode down the halls to the door of his room, where he saw the two Houses standing apart from each other, scowling in their usual ways in their common rivalry. He sneered to himself, his attention focused mainly on the Gryffindors, who stood farthest from the door, trying their best to look intimidating.

Snape almost felt sorry for them. The little fools had no idea what it meant to be intimidating. Standing before Lord Voldemort—now_ that_ was intimidating. The Dark lord was insane, and for everyone who bowed before him, none knew if that moment would be their last; the smallest mistake could cost you your life. Scratch intimidating—to stand before Voldemort was terrifying.

Snape just hoped that none of them ever found that out.

Severus Snape may have been an oily bastard, but he did, in fact, have a conscience. He knew that there were things that were labeled morally and fundamentally wrong, and he had violated many of those such things in his service to the Dark Lord, before Lily's life was threatened and he turned to Dumbledore. He had done a lot of things that haunted him, things that had tortured him with guilt and self-loathing, things that had effectively rendered him forever un-forgiven. He was a damned man, and he had learned to accept that.

Common belief was that Severus Snape loathed the world and everything in it.

The truth was that Severus Snape hated himself most of all.

But he had learned to live with that, too.

"In," he growled to the students, giving them his best glare. They complied without argument, and he felt satisfied that he had not lost his touch at terrorizing students. Walking in after them, he slammed the door shut and strode up to the front of the classroom, where he had the potions for the lesson ready. He turned to the tables to see all the students seated, grouped to their Houses as usual. He glanced over to the farthest corner to his left, where he saw Potter and his precious friends Granger and Weasley sitting together.

He started them on their lesson, creating the Draught of Living Death, and made his rounds to inspect the students' working. Draco glanced at him as he passed, but neither smiled nor spoke, which did make Snape's foul mood become even darker. He knew that Draco thought he was trying to usurp Lucius Malfoy's position as the Dark Lord's right hand, but that had not prepared him to be cold-shouldered in such a way. He passed to the Gryffindors, hearing their conversations about meaningless things—and then caught a bit of Granger's words as she spoke to Potter and Weasley. She sounded utterly baffled.

"… and then the end of the story comes and we find out that this kid has been making up all of this as he went! He's really a patient in a mental home, and everyone he met were really in the mental home with him… it was so odd."

"Maybe the author was mad," Weasley suggested. "That seems to be the case for writers."

Granger sent him a glare over Potter's shoulder, who merely rolled his eyes and continued working. "There you go again, Ron!" she snapped. "You're automatically grouping everyone into the same category! I'll have you know that although the story was odd, it was still brilliantly written!"

"Okay!" Weasley backed off. "Okay, sorry. I'm sorry I insulted a book."

Snape rolled his eyes. At least some things were _still_ normal.

_A/N: Credit to those who know what book Hermione is talking about! Fourth chapter will be up whenever, but I'm starting college in two days' time, so I really have no idea when I'll be able to update any of my stories. But I will find time to do so!_

_On a completely different note, how many people have ever heard of or watched _The Bumblebee Flies Anyway,_ based off the book by Robert Cormier? If you haven't, find it, watch it, and enjoy it. It's a beautiful story._


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